We dropped the girls off with my in-laws (affectionately known as Gram and Poppy) Saturday. This was my 20 month old's first time being away from both mommy and daddy overnight. She ended up spending one night as she kept looking for us so we all thought it'd be better for her to come home.
Brielle stayed two nights and probably would've stayed all week if we let her. Staying with her grandparents is one of her favorite things. She gets to break away from her routine, and spend time with two of her favorite people. Not to mention she gets spoiled rotten as any good grandparent does to their grandchildren!
I have fond memories of staying the night with my grandparents. It's a special bond that I know not all kids are blessed enough to have but that's exactly what grandparents are, a blessing.
While they don't play by the same rules parents have in place for their children (believe me its better that they don't, it makes the kids feel extra special!), they have a strong love and devotion to their grandchildren. Its a beautiful relationship that I had with my grandparents but it means something completely different and is appreciated differently seeing my children have that bond with their grandparents. Watching that relationship grow is one of life's great blessings.
In the days, and even weeks, leading up to the overnight stay I was anxiously counting down the days anticipating at least one night of quiet. No kids for the first time in 20 months! What could I do with myself so much I can do and enjoy without the constant need for mommy. I was so looking forward to a break from my kids. That sounds so terrible that I am in tears writing it but in the weeks leading up to it I was dealing with an issue I've never dealt with before.
Issue 1) A Biting Toddler! My sweet Kaity, has got into a habit of biting other children and I was so angry and convinced this meant I was a terrible mother and my little 20 month old was just reflecting my terrible parenting. I was frustrated, I was honestly sad because I didn't know how to "fix her" and her aggressive behavior.
Issue 2) A Know It All Attitude. My 5 year old occasionally gets into a "know it all" attitude which I know she gets from me but dear Lord I feel like I'm arguing with myself and since I'm always right (ha in my warped mind) then I know she must feel the same and neither one of us is going to back down in an argument. Well of course she decided to choose the weeks leading up to the sleepover as a time to test her boundaries with that attitude.
AND BLESSING (Not an issue) I'm twenty (hang on need to check...) four (ALREADY?!) Yup 24 weeks pregnant and I am tired! I mean BONE TIRED. Not the kind where you press on day to day with the little "yeah I'm always tired" feeling but the tired where I physically cannot keep my eyes open if I'm sitting too long (5 minutes).
These are the main reasons I was looking forward to my children being away PLUS a date night with my sweet husband. We really don't get that enough and I was so excited to spend some one-on-one time with him. The key was going to be staying awake, which woohoo I did! sort of...we had an early date because I knew this was going to be an issue :D
Lets tackle what helped soften my heart to Issue 1) The Biting Toddler! I am working on a bible study on the YouVersion app (If you do not have this app I HIGHLY suggest downloading it now! Go ahead.. I'll wait)...
Ok, the study I'm reading is called Overwhelmed By My Blessings: Encouragement for Moms. So this particular day the author's words just spoke to my heart, she said "I naively thought if I taught them the right things, and said it often enough, they wouldn't choose to do the wrong things... I was raising my kids to be like me. Mirrors reflecting what I taught them. It didn't go well...As God worked in my own heart I began to see life isn't about what we don't do, but who He is in us...we began focusing on consequences instead of what to stay away from. I began to teach them to be lights not mirrors. They were created in his image not mine. This mind shift brought relief and freedom, knowing that I didn't have the responsibility of raising mirror children but a responsibility to direct them to a relationship with the giver of life."
That really helped my patience with my Kaity. In fact, I posted the exact quote above on my Facebook page and several other momma's chimed in which I LOVE LOVE LOVE! One made the point that kids have to make their own choices. Isn't that difficult mommas?! Our kids have to choose daily whether they will obey or not obey, whether to bite or not to bite. We make our own choices as well but how hard is that to know we can't make choices for our children? I know better than to bite, I know the consequences I know not to make that choice. My Kaity doesn't know that yet, and while her behavior needs correcting and parenting to help her know the right from wrong choices she is learning right now. It is not a poor reflection on me (it would be if I chose to ignore the behavior and not discipline my children but that's a story for another day). Aren't we not much different from my biting toddler?
Don't we have a Father in heaven saying "hey don't do that!" or "Oh my goodness how many times are you going to ignore my parenting?!" Just like I will be here parenting, correcting and loving my child God does that for each one of us. One of the major things that helped me perceive the never ending love of God for his children was becoming a parent myself. There is NOTHING they can do that will make me stop loving them. Similarly, that's how God feels about us. There isn't anything that makes him love us less. Lets be honest we mess up a lot, and some of our sins are as frustrating as a biting toddler I'd imagine. But just like I'm not giving up on my Kaity I know her biting is going to cease one day (yes, please let it stop Lord), I know God does not give up on any of us. Find peace in that momma's we are going to fail daily, we will never be perfect and guess what? That is ok! God loves you anyway.
1 John 3:1 says "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called the children of God; and so we are."
Issue 2) Know It All Attitude. My sweet Brielle, as quickly as she gets those spurts of attitude it goes away. She's older and knows the consequences of her behaviors much better than her little sister. She knows a defiant attitude will get her no where and she does not like the consequences of losing a privilege so she straightens herself out pretty quickly and is right back to her independent loving self. Even if it does take a couple hard days she figures out how to straighten her attitude up to earn her beloved toys or items back.
Once we dropped the girls off with their grandparents, James and I were so excited to go do something kid free. We ended up painting pottery (something I love doing!), then making dinner at home and I went to bed by 8pm haha. But the silence once we got to our empty home was nearly deafening and I began to miss the chatter. I missed hearing the girls play in the next room, I missed our prayers at dinner and talking as a family, I missed reading bedtime stories and snuggles before bedtime prayers. James and I did very much enjoy our time spent together but in the back of our minds we missed our girls!
Being a parent is not an easy job, often I cannot wait for the girls to go to bed so I can have some peace and quiet. A break, a date night, a night away from your kids from time to time is a necessity. But always when they are away I miss them, it helps me to remember that while the days are long the years are short. Sometimes it takes the stepping back and looking at life without the distractions of everyday chatter to remember that. To remember my days of having young children are vanishing before my eyes. That does not mean I will always have a sun shines and rainbows perspective but it is the truth of the matter.
For tonight, I'm thankful, thankful that my babies are home in their beds, I'm thankful for the lullaby music playing in the background upstairs, I'm thankful for our 3 bedtime stories tonight, our hugs, giggles and bedtime kisses.
They are adorable!
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